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April 2017

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Hurrah! A new platform! Look how bouncy it is!

I enjoyed LiveJournal for a long time, but I'm joining the mass fandom/SJW exodus.

Funny, LJ as "owned by Russians" didn't bother me, what with the cold war being over and all, but LJ kowtowing to restrictive Russian government practices bothers me.

And my paranoid brain is like, "Russia is spying on you through your LJ account to tell The Occupant about you," and I'm reaching for the export buttons.

The weirder thing is how little I blog. Here's some other places you'll rarely see me :D (Not always safe for work) (Not safe for conservatives) (Not safe for people expecting entire sentences)

P.S. please add me.

Facing shame

Sep. 17th, 2016 05:00 pm
scyllacat: (smile2008)
So I feel like today is shame day. I'm looking for things lost, trying to achieve things I've been procrastinating.  HOW DO WE DO THIS.

Ok, #1:  Taxes are right now $615 a month.  Flat.  No ifs ands buts.
#2:  Rent $1060, DITTO.
#3:  Service on fixed personal loan, $210, SAME.
So $1885 before I get the lights turned on.  That's scary, yo.

That number used to cover the electric, phone, internet, water, and renter's insurance, too.

Next section, semivariable things:

#4: $23 Renter's insurance, as required by our lease.
#5: $17 Venlafaxine
#6: $42 Delivery water, 20 gallons a month
#7: $260 Internet, phones, phone insurance, data plan
#8: $199 ACA health insurance.


I forgot
#9 gas: $35 last month
#10 Electric: $112 this month


Totally challengable We could abandon these costs:

#11: Costco $55/year
#12: Amazon Prime $99/year
#13:  Netflix $9/mo
#14:  Panic $9/mo
#15: Dental $17

Now the shame, right?

Credit card Wells Fargo $764.09
Credit Card Capital One $603.21
Credit Card Citibank  $3,107.70

According to the way I've been doing things, I should be paying those first two off MONTHLY and be paying the third one down $200 a month. This quarter? NOPE.

Finally, neither car is in good shape. The truck right now is not running at all.  The car needs it's front axle/wheel structures replaced, A/C, and a transmission job.

Things I am not directly responsible for:  Groceries, charlie's truck insurance, my car insurance (thanx mom), charlie's therapist licensure/CE classes.

I need help.

I actually cannot do this.  I don't even know how to get to a positive cash flow.

In the Positive Column, I should have $3500 total with savings and checking after this quarter's taxes are paid.
I can't be poor.  I pay taxes.

Today, my sweet husband got so excited, and started talking about if he makes this much money every weekend, and I did not say, "and then the tax bill and the health care bill go up again."  (This weekend's money will go toward his vacation:  We take a long weekend vacation of 5 days, y'all, and Labor Day is it, thurs-mon)

I can't figure out what's going to happen to us because everything is too much money all the time.

I should tell the ACA what last year's income was again, or rather cop to it, because they're the government -- they know.
But I'm already behind several thousand dollars and the hemorrhaging does not seem to stop.

I am just going to keep writing here, but right now I'm depressed as fuck.
As a performance musician, I find a lot in common with my workspace nowadays. When I am in what they call "zone"-- I am in a loop where I am checking the results of what I just did while listening to the thing I'm about to type while typing the thing I'm actually typing. This reminded me that while performing music I have to learn the technique and practice the notation before I can get to the zone, where I am aware at the point of the music being *made.* When you find yourself in that space, the art suggests things. In cooking, it might be an unexpected pepper. In writing, it might be a perfect metaphor. A character might start speaking to you. Or the actor finds herself being spoken "through" by the character. I feel it is wrong to resist inspiration. That's what you did all the practicing for.
Originally posted by [ profile] lafinjack at o hai journalism, ltns

I picked up an old diary.  Trying to decide what to do with the old diaries.  And I read two things that made sense in succession.  things that have something to do with what happened.  I always thought my diaries were disconnected.

It might actually be worth entering something.
I got someone yelling at me the other day.  I insulted them deeply.

I told them I was smart.  this was in response to them snarking at me for being a know-it-all.  Yes, I know I can come off as a condescending prig... as long as I only do it when I don't mind pissing someone off--not inadvertently--it doesn't bother me much.  I'm smarter than most of the people I meet--or ever could meet.  There's nothing I can do about it.  I'm usually brought up short by realizing someone doesn't actually understand x and they're just not bright enough to grasp it! This is embarrassing when it happens. I usually assume that though I may be smart, I know smart people and I'm actually probably not saying anything that intellectually challenging. (Smart people! They're just like us! They wear pants! ... ok, sometimes... They knit sweaters! ... with Tim Burton characters on them ... They watch sports! ... ok, no, they don't... where was I? oh yeah!)

Usually, my challenge is to not treat everything I think, know, feel, and believe like smart-brain fodder. Other people's emotional responses aren't stupid. Relationship issues aren't always the result of not figuring it out. Right now, I'm knowing intellectually that I ought to be exercising, but I'm not. Attempting to think my way into shape is just not going to happen, but it's great procrastination. I'm even trying to be clever in this paragraph, whose entire message is "Clever is only good for so much, and that muchness is just a sliver of all the things I need to do."

But if I actually know something someone else doesn't?  To say, "The proof is here, so I cannot continue to respect your position in light of the facts," is apparently REALLY insulting.  After giving it a lot of thought, it doesn't seem reasonable that the insult is "There are other facts,"  "You don't know these other facts," "I do know other facts," or any combination of those.  The insult is "I cannot respect your position."

The reason is, of course, because I've challenged that person's status.  Specifically, I have said, "No, I will not cede the argument because I will not accept that you have a higher status/greater authority on the issue than I do." 

But when I look at it more, it seems that what we have (Internet we?  United States we?) is, in the name of individual, egalitarian fairness, letting everyone have a voice, shedding race, gender, color, etc. in the wonderful Internet--what we have is a deep-rooted denial of all status indicators.  In the voice of a U.S.-ian, "It's incredibly rude to remind me that we're not all actually equal."  In those old British books I used to read, it was also rude to talk about class, but that, as I saw it, was because if people acted as was appropriate to their status, then calling them on it wasn't necessary, so doing so was just "lording it about," especially if you were privileged enough to have a higher status.

Now.... now, something.  I have noticed pissing off a number of people, not by the content of the facts or opinions, but by the Perception (real or imagined) that I was not giving them their propers.  Maybe it's Rude to remind people of their status, or to claim a different status, or any status.  But the results of not recognizing a status conflict have frequently been much ruder and more destructive.

Other examples:  The person who dissed my offer of peer status, and unfriended me because I hadn't been studying this subject for 20 years like she has (no evidence of having actually done), or was it because I was the tricksy kind who wormed my way into someone else's confidence for personal gain, like she would never do (except that one time when she totally did and was on tv for it)?  I didn't offer disrespect, but I definitely got her pissed off that she wasn't respected ENOUGH.

I've also done it.  I have totally had people hollering at me lately that I wasn't allowing them their right to "free speech" in a "public space," because quite simply, On MY Facebook page/blog/other media, it is not public, and if you disrespect MY status, or I even think you do, I'll delete your comments, block all your comments, or outright ban you for rolling over on me.  I don't have a lot of things I totally control, so you challenge the things I DO totally control, then you have lost all privilege there.

Yes, the use of the word "privilege" is, in all cases in this entry, deliberate.

Let's just stop here and call it a work in progress.  
Our Banana Republic -

"The United States now arguably has a more unequal distribution of wealth than traditional banana republics like Nicaragua, Venezuela and Guyana."

The proportions DO matter, not just whether you stole it fair and square.
It's not like Saturday, and it's not fair.  I have another 6-8 hours of work to do by (some vague time) Monday, including unpaid work like reviewing my QA evaluations, mailing /faxing my "I understand the privacy policy," and writing a report for the last quarter in my volunteer position.  I've been doing this for a 50-60 hour week already, and I don't feel like I worked hard and well.  I feel like I didn't get paid.  I was cross-training, so I got paid for something like 5-1/2 days instead of the 7 it feels like I've worked.

I feel like I'm on the hamster wheel, and the day is beautiful, and I don't WANT to be here. 

But I honestly don't know what else to do.
It's all about me: Why e-mails are so easily misunderstood / The Christian Science Monitor -

Also, in another source (I culled these links from "Cracked," BION):  "One study at UCLA indicated that up to 93 percent of communication effectiveness is determined by nonverbal cues. Another study indicated that the impact of a performance was determined 7 percent by the words used, 38 percent by voice quality, and 55 percent by the nonverbal communication." 

I think I'm going to stop reading and responding to comments, because they're even more "immediate" and misunderstood than email.
Derailing for Dummies

Ah, this internet thing. It keeps showing up with thing people have already researched and written so I don't have to.
Two former Global Warming skeptics have reversed their position.  Since they're both meteorologists, I am going to spend some time reading up on them later, and what convinced them, and why they previously felt that way.

I only started to get interested in whether this was real science (as in actually happening, not theoretically how it would work) when I heard a story on NPR about how David Koch had funded dozens of slanted studies to deny global warming--a sufficient number of different studies, panels, committees, and organizations that any reasonable person might conclude that uninterested, unconnected groups were coming to unbiased conclusions.

But I expect that if I have any conservative friends left, they will be happy to tell me about the lefty conspiracy to send us back to the Stone Age.

No, really, guys.  I'm going to go talk to the scientists. 
 I was in college when I found out about the Internet.  It was right after ARPAnet.  Bulletin boards were the hot chat item.  Unix was the operating system and C was its language.  The internet didn't have a capital "I" yet and the World Wide Web wasn't even a twinkle in Al Gore's eye.

I was amazed at how open the system was.  If I knew someone's address, I could "talk" or "msg" them, and it would show up.  They didn't have to know me.  I didn't have to fill in a captcha to get my message there.  I met and made my best internet friends through a random trolling of one Voodoo Monkey who showed me the ways of MU*.

There, I encountered my first spam.  Now, we all know spam as "junk" email with possible viruses or other malware for spice, but back then spam was anything that decreased the signal-to-noise ratio.  So scripts and macros that automatically dumped a screenload of text or an ASCII picture could be conversation-stoppers.

There's a whole science experiment here about how, with the limited sensory input of the web (largely visual), it's hard to keep our mind on what's going on when the scenery changes in the blink of an eye.  At least, that's what happened in those proto-chatrooms:  The macro would scroll all the current conversation off the screen, and we'd all have to figure out where we were, or start over.

Since then, the attacks on STN have been ever increasing in variety, including every kind of subject changing, verbal bullying, and logical fallacy, but they have been mostly confined to the internet.  When Anonymous (I suspect the /b/-tards, but I'm not a 4chan-er) rolled on the Oregon Tea Party, they did a basic STN attack.  Whatever they could throw, they threw, and the OTP server was worthless for the purpose it was set up for.  Did they break it?  Shut it down?  Or just cover up on topic posting with their napalm and light a match?  I don't know.  I know it worked.

And I know that Tea Party members went to Town Hall meetings during the presidential campaign and stopped the Signal with their Noise.

I don't need to be attacking Anonymous, 4chan, Republicans, Democrats, or Tea Party-ers to know that we're not moving forward and we're not solving problems as long as we are distracted by the Noise.  I bet you can all think of some much more attractive nuisances that are keeping you from getting something done RIGHT NOW.
The Oregon Tea Party:  "Anonymous: We appreciate your resources and admire your tactics. You have taught us more than you know. As requested, we are no longer using the 'anonymous' quote."

Soon, I'm going to tell you what they learned.

levenson-sam1Since I didn't give him his props earlier, here's a more direct tribute:

Remember Sam Levenson?

Not enough people do. He was such a clever man but time has diminished the memory of his wit. I thought I’d resurrect him, as his words today are as pithy as they were when he wrote them.

“Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don’t compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.”

“The first screw to get loose in your head is the one that holds your tongue in place.”

“A goat also has a beard, but that doesn’t make him a rabbi.”

“You’re only young once. After that it takes some other excuse for behaving like an idiot.”

“Even if the majority agrees on an idiotic idea, it is still an idiotic idea.”

“The greatness of this or any country may still be measured by the number of people trying to get IN vs. the number trying to get OUT.”

“The best defense of our country is to keep it at all times WORTH defending.”

“War doesn’t prove who is right; only who is left.”

“War is better at abolishing nations than nations are at abolishing wars.”

“You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist.”

“The U.N. has been as effective against war as foghorns have been against Fog.”

“Behind every successful Jew stands a bigot who could not stop him.”

“There are more important things in life than money. The trouble is they all cost money.”

Re: sex education in schools: “Let them teach it! If the schools teach sex the way they teach everything else, the kids will lose interest anyway.”

Beauty Tips

Apr. 1st, 2010 12:11 pm
scyllacat: (yin yang)

Famously quoted by Audrey Hepburn, this list was penned by Sam Levenson.
  • For attractive lips, Speak words of kindness.
  • For lovely eyes, Seek out the good in people.
  • For a slim figure, Share your food with the hungry.
  • For beautiful hair, Let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
  • For poise, Walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
  • People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.
  • Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
  • As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
  • The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
  • The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a Woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she knows.
  • And the beauty of a woman, with passing years only grows!


Mar. 26th, 2010 06:31 pm
scyllacat: (Default)
We don't have a house, we don't have a yard, so we don't need:

Refrigerator, full size
Camping gear
4 patio chairs and table
recycling bins
Lawn mower-needs work
Push/reel mower
Brewing supplies
Leaf blower
Yard Sprayer
Power painter
Ladder stabilizer
Roof shingles
Hardwood charcoal (7 bags)

If we don't move it or sell it, it's going to Freecycle.  If you want to buy it, Saturday or Sunday is your day.

If you want it for Free, Monday is your day.

Make us an offer--we take cash, trade, and moving help.
Further test posting, this time with a different interface/applet.

I like it better in some ways, easier to see friends list, so as a miniportal, much better, but I would like a pay version without the ads.

Posted via Journaler.