(no subject)

The most important thing to realize about happiness is that you deserve to be doing it right now. It's ok to be ok. You don't have to have your sh*t together in order to be ok. You say, I am fallible, God is divine. Yes, but then, once you have said that, you ~unite~ with God and work in His Will, yet you are still YOU, fully aware, God become flesh. You cannot sin. Your life is in His hands, as long as you realize you ARE GOD.

If you want it to happen, you see, you don't just visualize what it will look like when it's finished, you visualize it as it happens. You are on the path toward this happy ending. What happens at THIS part in the story right here? Write your own story, imagine what happens next. See if you're right. Make it a game you play with God. Whether you can figure out what He's going to throw at you next. The better you get at it, the closer you get to God. You don't have to know the WHOLE story, just the next couple of words at a time. And when you don't get it right, laugh! Laugh because it's a joke! Something surprises you because you didn't predict it.

And some jokes you will enjoy because you HAVE heard them before and they are comforting and familiar. And when someone comes up with a new twist on the old story, laugh! With practice, you will see how you tell your own story...

I don't know where my story is going right now. It bothers me. I am fishing around for what I think is the next part of the story, but I am not sure what I want to have happen next, and if it's the right thing.

I don't know how long this decision will take. I want it to be over, but that might just be what this part of the story is about. Damn, why am I playing Hamlet again? I forget.

I was hoping I got to be the Anti-Christ. I certainly spend enough time preaching against martyrdom.

Tortured prophet. That's what I'm playing. I wish I remembered to enjoy it more. I must add the name Cassandra to remind myself. Blargh. I wonder what I would actually enjoy being? Argh. Angst cycle! Help!

I feel pessimistic about my future because of my indecision, though. or is it the other way around? I'm having a hard time committing to one vision. At least they are nice options, though.

I'm afraid of hurting people's feelings... so I keep fighting them. Go away. Go far away. In case I hurt you. Wow. What a dumb thing to do.

If it's going to hurt, it's going to hurt, one way or another, might as well not be afraid and see what happens anyway.

Maybe it will turn out to be the really cool part of the story...