Nah, you go ahead, hon. When I saw that in the nursing home (first job, not quite 18 years old yet), I felt much the same way. Many days, I would sit at the side of the bed of a woman who had had a stroke, crying because of the pain I felt caring for these people who couldn't do for themselves. She could only speak a few words, but she would try to comfort me, and that made it a little better. (But I can still feel those tears stinging my eyes now.)
For the record, I think that it's about detachment. Where the Buddhists tend to detach themselves from the body one way (earthly bodies suffer, don't BE your body), the Christians tend to do it another (God only cares about your soul, and that's what's important). Of course, when you're suffering watching them suffer, it's not easy to start any sort of detachment practice. That sort of peace (even when it's done right) requires long practice with smaller issues. I think that lady in the nursing home, the one I would go to, had that kind of peace. I pray (I wish, I hope, and if wishing can make it so, I hope it does) that your grandmother has some peace for herself that makes this time easier.
This does not change ONE BIT the impotent rage when it seems like someone is telling you that your stuff (or your grandmother's stuff) doesn't matter. And the fact that they're obviously NOT you or your grandmother or your family means they should know better than to say stuff like that to you.
It will get easier as you get older, though. *wry smile* Yeah, I'm turning into an old fart. I didn't want to give up my passion, because I thought I would have to give up caring, but you don't. You just learn to pace your energy better...
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rosecarmine
A hope of comfort...
Date: 2008-04-09 08:32 pm (UTC)For the record, I think that it's about detachment. Where the Buddhists tend to detach themselves from the body one way (earthly bodies suffer, don't BE your body), the Christians tend to do it another (God only cares about your soul, and that's what's important). Of course, when you're suffering watching them suffer, it's not easy to start any sort of detachment practice. That sort of peace (even when it's done right) requires long practice with smaller issues. I think that lady in the nursing home, the one I would go to, had that kind of peace. I pray (I wish, I hope, and if wishing can make it so, I hope it does) that your grandmother has some peace for herself that makes this time easier.
This does not change ONE BIT the impotent rage when it seems like someone is telling you that your stuff (or your grandmother's stuff) doesn't matter. And the fact that they're obviously NOT you or your grandmother or your family means they should know better than to say stuff like that to you.
It will get easier as you get older, though. *wry smile* Yeah, I'm turning into an old fart. I didn't want to give up my passion, because I thought I would have to give up caring, but you don't. You just learn to pace your energy better...
You're doing just fine, dear heart.