In brief, on sleep

Hey! I woke up this morning.

Which is good news because yesterday I did not.

Or rather, I rolled out of bed long enough to answer an IM, then went back to sleep. I went back to sleep because I did not like the way I woke up. I was having some kind of bad dream. Unfortunately, the following four hours only resulted in more bad dreams.

I'm not sure why I went back to sleep for so long, or why I had bad dreams. I was at a faire or SCA event (this happens frequently in my dreams) but I was in this building that had very narrow passages, and I had to go through them to get somewhere, and I was afraid I couldn't get back out. In this dream, I'm losing one piece of gear or clothing after another, in bathrooms, dressing rooms... the first piece was lost notably in a tryst outdoors, but that was before it started to get scary. I'd take off my shoes, and there'd be like two pair of different shoes, but none of mine. I was constantly surrounded by women with ornate costumes, jewelry, the works.

So, I woke up and it's 2:15, and Tug is home from work on a long break because he's working late, and looking at me with this bemused smile. I feel guilty, angry at myself. I've missed talking to toastifer and my friend Chris. When I make plans, and I'm all excited about them, and then I sleep through the time I planned to do them, I know there's some sort of avoidance going on, but why? It hurts. It makes me angry. It feels like someone else is in my head.

Ever try pitting your will against a dream? It's a moment when it feels like it's silly because it's a dream and of course you control it. And somehow, it's like real life, too, because you know which things will work and which won't. You know what's going to happen, whether you will get what you want or not, and you can't change it, mostly because you can't change the knowing.

I theorize that all prophecies are self-fulfilling.