Right now, everything sucks

So, I didn't take my medicine this weekend and now I'm paying for it, but before I go get something to drink and make myself behave according to the chemical dictates again, I'm going to write down what it feels like.

It sucks. Everything I am is broken. Everything I do is shit. I can't even keep my head on straight for five minutes. I say I'm going to do what I ought to do, but I can't. It is all overwhelming. Right now, I barely managed to make myself drive home from Mark's house. I can't figure out how to get my bills paid, there are checks that are going to bounce, people that hate me, lives that are filled with chaos, and I am nothing. I'd be better off dead. I am a waste.

I don't know how much of this is real and how much of it is the fact that the only chemicals that stay in my brain are the ones that make me cry and hate myself.