scyllacat | Here's the letter

Ok, you all win. I don't think he INTENDED to be an asshole.

I just don't believe that he's not BEING an asshole. Because to tell a flaming pagan that this is how God intended, then that's "You're doing it Wrong," to my way of looking at it.

As it turns out, that IS the only thing he said about it.

I think I'll write him back, as soon as I can keep from snarking.

So here it is:

You're right, not much in common at all except for the adoption part.

I've always known I'm adopted... I've never known any different. I believe that's the best way to approach adopted kids on it. I've always been told how special that made me by my parents and especially by my grandparents. I've never thought of it any other way and have never felt any less of a person than anyone else, nor has anyone ever treated me less as a result.

To be honest, I'm not sure how much of a role the genetics plays, except for looks, medical history and maybe some mannerisms, such has how one smiles etc. I do thank my biological mother for giving me up and giving me the life I have. Obviously she felt she could not do the same.

Other than that, I really think environmental factors such as your parents, and life experiences make up the bulk of your personality. I really believe kids deserve 2 loving parents (mom and dad the way God intended) and I believe a healthy Christian marriage is the best way to raise kids.

I was lucky enough to have both, and think that WAY outweighed the biological factors in my life on how I turned out.

I hope that helps in your quest for adoption feedback!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Nah, you go ahead, hon. When I saw that in the nursing home (first job, not quite 18 years old yet), I felt much the same way. Many days, I would sit at the side of the bed of a woman who had had a stroke, crying because of the pain I felt caring for these people who couldn't do for themselves. She could only speak a few words, but she would try to comfort me, and that made it a little better. (But I can still feel those tears stinging my eyes now.)

For the record, I think that it's about detachment. Where the Buddhists tend to detach themselves from the body one way (earthly bodies suffer, don't BE your body), the Christians tend to do it another (God only cares about your soul, and that's what's important). Of course, when you're suffering watching them suffer, it's not easy to start any sort of detachment practice. That sort of peace (even when it's done right) requires long practice with smaller issues. I think that lady in the nursing home, the one I would go to, had that kind of peace. I pray (I wish, I hope, and if wishing can make it so, I hope it does) that your grandmother has some peace for herself that makes this time easier.

This does not change ONE BIT the impotent rage when it seems like someone is telling you that your stuff (or your grandmother's stuff) doesn't matter. And the fact that they're obviously NOT you or your grandmother or your family means they should know better than to say stuff like that to you.

It will get easier as you get older, though. *wry smile* Yeah, I'm turning into an old fart. I didn't want to give up my passion, because I thought I would have to give up caring, but you don't. You just learn to pace your energy better...

You're doing just fine, dear heart.

Thank you so much for your kindness. It has been a rough few weeks.

I'm not sure how you survived working in a nursing home. I can see why that would have been so painful for you.

In a way, I think it would be easier for me to accept my own death than the death of someone I love. It would be very scary, of course, but I think I would feel slightly less helpless. The helplessness is the worst part of losing someone, I think.

Indeed. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. Let me know how you're doing, if you have time.

Here's the letter

A hope of comfort...

Re: A hope of comfort...

IAWTC