(no subject)

[scyllacat]

There is an empty pit in my stomach. I just got a letter from a friend saying it was my own fault that I have so few friends, after all I've done to alienate them. In a way, she's right, but in a way, it doesn't make any difference. I have become so bitter, angry and resentful of so many of these "friends," that it is better for all of us that I not be around them, at least for a while.

And if I have tasted something different, and it suited me better, I don't know that I deserve it, and I feel worried that I will ruin it because I won't believe it's mine.

Comments

[flyswatter.livejournal.com]

*I* like you and have never had any problems with you. You are a pretty happenin' chick, IMO!

[scyllacat.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's just easier to like me if you don't have to have too big a dose of me...

[simplysakka.livejournal.com]

Well, I was going to say...

I don't feel *alienated* from you, per se... I know you've been busy and have had your own agenda, and we've always pretty much been like that... We pick up where we left off whenever we *do* get together. Of course, all this talk about you moving to NO... It makes me realize what happens when you kind of "take a friend for granted"... Not in the literal sense, but if you are thinking that they are always going to be there to have coffee with or whatever, and suddenly, they are gone, moved hours away and you can't just call up and go out on a moment's notice anymore, even though it's been *months* since you did that in the first place...

I think you get my drift.

So no, I don't feel "alienated"... Just in a hurry to see you before you up and move on me. *wink*

So here comes the question again... Coffee...when?

[scyllacat.livejournal.com]

1. Of course, you are not one of those people. The true answer for you, Sakka love, is that I kept thinking I would have some money to pay you back.... NEXT week... at which point the car would break down again, and I have been too embarrassed to call you. I'm sorry. I don't know when I will be able to pay you back, but I shall do so.

2. I have missed you, and unfortunately, as you can tell, I can't drive to see you, but I will call you tonight and we'll try to find some arrangement.

3. NOLA is a lovely vacation spot (tourists keep the Quarter green, as RLA is fond of saying) and it's less than $100 round trip on Amtrak, so much visiting should happen.

4. I can't go in a hurry, no car, no job, no money. I have two "Guardian Angels" with their ear to the ground and their nose in the air trying to find a situation for me, while I do the same from this end.

Talk to you soon, sweet Sakka.

Scylla

[simplysakka.livejournal.com]

Angel girl, to be honest with you, I'd almost forgotten the debt. I'd be willing to even forgive it, except that I owe the IRS money, and so whenever you *are* able to pay it back (and I *do* mean that, whenever that may be), it will obviously be most helpful. But do it only once you are actually financially comfortable (i.e. job, relocation, car repairs, etc.). I think you realize by now that I am a friend for life, and shall continue to be. And I always have believed that things always happen for a reason, so the day you can finally pay me back will probably be a day I need that money desperately, and it will be like an answer to prayer.

I don't mind coming to see you. I *finally* got my car where I can drive it places, and gas is no skin off my nose these days. I would be more than happy to come to your place of residence, collect you, take you out to dinner or to have coffee, and then return you safe and sound to your home. Of course, this week I have paid all of my bills and now have no expendable income, but next week should be better. So you choose a night, honey, and we're on!

And should you actually end up in the Big Easy, it is actually a *good* thing in my book, because it gives me someone to visit there and thus a plausible reason to go.

I still have your cell phone number in my cell. I assume you still have mine, as well. If you would like to go out next week, drop me an e-mail or a voice mail (or we might actually *talk*!) and we can plan something. We both obviously have a lot of catching up to do with each other.

Can't wait to talk to you, darling. *hugs*

PS-My cell phone JUST rang as I was finishing up this comment. I didn't get

[simplysakka.livejournal.com]

PS-I hope I am not one of the friends that you mentioned that you've become resentful of. *frown*

[adric]

Eh? That seems unlikely. It is rather more likely that you the people you were counting as friends, aren't.

And, well, if they are causing you greif, then not interacting with them would seem to make sense .. I don't really have enough data to say much more.

[scyllacat.livejournal.com]

Well, Ben, you're sort of right, ... which is not saying you are in any way wrong. I feel like a lot of the people I'm talking about are not real friends, and then there's some other people who might have been real friends, but I could not or can not, at this time, accept friendship on their terms; thus it is better that I not hang around them and get in arguments, or make snide comments, or freeze them out by not wanting to talk.

I have enjoyed being friends with you, during the season, as were. *hugs*

Hmmm

[prowler777.livejournal.com]

Well Scylla you know me in person but never talked to me over the net. I have a few things to say and I think they are nutral if not positive. I know that you have emotional problems I mean hell we all do right? I wanna be one of the lucky ones that you call friend. I know that Skylar and Burnout love you and they wanna be your friends and they have tried but sometimes its the little things that you do that get under some ones skin. I think you are a great person, may be a little crazy but if that is what makes you interesting to me. all the little wierd tid bits you just decide to share with the rest of the world. and i am going to return the favor that you extended to me when i had my little hissy fit at the haunted hause. Little did you realize that you and Skylar and Burnout were keeping me from hurting myself. Yes, at the moment I sank down the door out on the back deck 3 very strong energies moved in to protect me. If you Skylar and burnout hadn't been there I would have hurt myself. and may be worse. But I owe you more than you realize. And I want you to know that I love you very much. You are a kind and gentle person with a very strong spirit and i hope that one day that spirit of yours takes you to do great things for everyone. not just me or your cirle of friends. but I mean the world. If you ever want to talk just hop over to my lj and we can discuss what ever. I know I am young but hey I have a shoulder to cry on and an ear that will listen.

Re: Hmmm

[scyllacat.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Cameron. You are a good person, and I can use all the faith I can get.