(no subject)

I am such a loser. I can't stand it. My parents spent all this time, and of course, they were right, telling me not to think it was all about boys, and so all I did was chase boys, and finally got the one I was after all along, and what a pitiful broken thing he turned out to be. So I spent most of my life chasing this broken illusion and now I don't even have that, and I'm having to start over. No career, no family, no life. And what do I have? A handful of dates with people who I'm not really sure of, or who aren't sure of me.

I wish I could do something heinous and violent and destructive. I wish I could change something extreme and sudden. And I might.