(no subject)

[scyllacat]

I am such a loser. I can't stand it. My parents spent all this time, and of course, they were right, telling me not to think it was all about boys, and so all I did was chase boys, and finally got the one I was after all along, and what a pitiful broken thing he turned out to be. So I spent most of my life chasing this broken illusion and now I don't even have that, and I'm having to start over. No career, no family, no life. And what do I have? A handful of dates with people who I'm not really sure of, or who aren't sure of me.

I wish I could do something heinous and violent and destructive. I wish I could change something extreme and sudden. And I might.

Comments

[salomes-pimp.livejournal.com]

change can be good, though destructive changes to yourself probably wouldn't be... at the very least, a handful of dates with people who may turn into something more (even if it's just friends) is better than none.

but i know someone awesome is going to come along for you soon. you're too amazing for that not to happen.

[zamiel.livejournal.com]

If you were sure of them, it wouldn't just be "dating," now would it?

Much as I like heinous and violent and sudden, be sure you're ready for that sort of abrupt swerve before you execute it. If you then do so, great! Send me pictures. If not, well, a more subtle and insidious tack might be the answer.

[gallifreyan.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you need a copy of Dungeon Keeper or something.

I'm reminded of an epiphany I had some time in the last four years or so. I was in Canada (hard to believe) in a bar, watching the girl I was madly in several things for playing pool and flirting with anything male in the room. The song "Closing Time" by Semisonic was playing, and the part I sang along with then was "I know who I want to take me home" ... but the part that's stayed with me is "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

I've "learned" (read: been forced) to be pragmatic when it comes to relationships. Some people see it as pessimism, some people see it as an acute awareness of stark reality. Some people don't see it at all. I've also learned not to tell my mom the latest news... I try to let my jubilance cool off so I don't get her hopes up.

I don't assume as much as I used to, but I'm always willing to believe, despite not being an X-phile. I can't say this has helped a lot, but in that way I guess it's like most religions.

You *are* doing well!

[aatea.livejournal.com]

Please don't say your parents were right!! They were wrong about so many other things.... it's entirely possible they were wrong about this one too! Careers aren't all they're cracked up to be, and I think you've made a great life for yourself. They are many times I'm jealous of your bravery: to do the jobs that give you the time to write. I wish I were that brave. Lots of people change careers in their 30s or 40s and go back to school to learn something different. None of us doubt that you're smart enough to do that -- if that's what you want. If you really are feeling destructive, either break something small that you wanted to throw away anyway or call your doctor. Please don't take your energy and your life and your joy from us. I know I count on you to do the adventures that I'm too afraid to try. You have many friends who care about you; please call us if you need to talk! Love you like the sister I never had.