Follow-up to yesterday

Sleep makes things better.

I went home last night after work and cried for about an hour. I needed it. Then Mark and I watched "The Fifth Element" and I needed that, too. (Everything I ever needed to know I learned from LeeLoo.) Then we smoked the very last shake and went to sleep, with a quickie thrown in mostly for the deep sigh that makes sleep come easier. (TMI? Deal. I've got work to do, and if you don't like it, you don't have to read it.)

DeAnna, you don't have to worry about me. The gods that made me sporadically suicidal also made me squeamish. I'm too grossed out by the things I'd have to do to permanently harm myself. :)

Zamiel, the moment I decide to actually do something horrrrrible, you're the frood I'll go to for advice, strategy, and a unique take on the arsenal of bizarre naughtiness at my disposal.

Andrew, I love you more every day.

Rob, your love life is as confusing and weird as mine. 18 days until we finally get to meet.

I have written some private entries lately, and it makes me happy, because I say things I have forgotten I needed to say. Here is a quote from the last entry, one which I thought suitable:

The truth hurts, everyone says it. No one says why. Why are our lives so structured to avoid truth, sometimes even obvious truth? And why do we argue? What vestment have we in the truths of others? Why do we care what they think?

Update on the eyeballs

What I have noticed most about having my eyes operated on is that I have pretty eyes.

It has been 22 years behind glasses and contact lenses. After the surgery, I looked and looked for the mark where they cut the cornea, but I can't see it. And then I stopped. I stopped looking to find something in my eye, or whether my lenses were in right, or whether my makeup was on right or what was that smudge on my glasses. I looked at my own clear hazel eyes without anything on them or around them or in front of them.

They're pretty. Nothing unusual by any standard, about as average as eyes can get. But they're beautiful in the way that eyes are.

I went to that check up with the eye doctor (word?) Tuesday, and told him I was having trouble with far-off words. He looked and ran a couple of quick tests. "Well, you're not nearsighted anymore, but you have astigmatism."

He said that can change a lot as the eye heals, because the eye is so fluid. He advised to wait, keep coming back to check every few months, and I'll either end up with a very low level glasses scrip for driving or he'll 'go back in' and do further correction.... or they'll correct themselves.

Whatever way, I still don't have to have anything in front of my eyes for ordinary things, like getting a cup of coffee, getting to the bathroom to take a shower. I just really hate night deliveries right now. Two-inch numbers in the dark with astigmatism ... I might as well be trying to find houses by braille. Otherwise, driving is great. Peripheral vision, being able to see out of the corner of my eyes (rigid contacts hurt when you do that, and sometimes they slide off your cornea and make a little suction cup to your sclera and that hurts like a m-f and if you're in traffic.... aieeee!) is just loverly.

My New Car

Ok, my new car is a 1996 Saturn SW1 station wagon, silver, with practically no options. No cruise control, no auto-locks. It runs very well, has only 39,000 miles on it and is clean as a whistle. I installed a cd player in it, and I'm really enjoying that. But I don't know what to call it. So, I'm asking for advice.


[Poll #40815]

(no subject)

I am going to try and load a picture of the car later, but right now, I'm late for stuff.