The turn in the road...

By The Time I Get To Phoenix

Written by: Jimmy Webb
Originally made famous by: Glen Campbell
From the Album: Complete Reprise Studio Recordings
Label: Reprise Records
Recorded: November 12, 1968
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By the time I get to Phoenix she'll be rising.
She'll find the note I left hanging on her door.
She'll laugh when she reads the part that says I'm leaving
`Cause I've left that girl so many times before.
By the time I make Albuquerque she'll be working.
She'll probably stop for lunch and give me a call.
But she'll just hear the phone keep on ringing, on the wall, that's all.
By the time I reach Oklahoma she'll be sleeping.
She'll turn softly and call my name out low.
And she'll cry just to think I'd really leave her,
Though time and time again I tried to tell her so.
She just didn't know I would really go.

I knew that song by heart when I was a small girl.

The point here, folks, is, he knew he was leaving, somewhere. Somewhere in his heart it was happening. I could see the turn in the road coming, I could see that he was on the verge of changing. I was just surprised to be left behind. And I wonder why I was. And he says he didn't mean it, and I believe he thinks that. I don't want him to be hurt, any more than I want to be hurt. But I have to find a resolution, a truce with myself, not to hate myself for being left behind on a wonderful journey that I wanted to be a part of as much as anything in my life. I can accept that it's not my path, eventually, but I could think of easier ways for it to go.

I'm sorry for needing help, and for trying to explain, and for thrashing it out here, but sometimes, it just echoes in my head, and I can't get it out until I put it out. I have to stop the dreams. I'm sorry if that means I'm broken. I'm sorry if I don't move on fast enough, if my efforts hurt, if I'm not good enough to pass the tests yet, but somehow, I have to find out. Sometimes, I can't bear things alone anymore, I think I'll go crazy if I don't say something.

My friends always tell me the truth, even when they think I'm full of shit. But sometimes, only those who are still somewhat stranger are going to be objective at all. I'm just trying to keep an eye on reality, in case it makes any funny moves.

My Streak of Irish

When I was younger (like, last year), I used to dye my hair red.

When people asked why, I would answer:

"Truth in advertising laws require it."

I want to have it out when I'm angry. I will have it out with you, or my friends, or your friends, or myself, or the god/dess, or the traffic, but I will eventually have it out. I will chew at the bone until I have found its essence.

I don't fight often anymore; I like to think I pick my battles more wisely these days.