(no subject)

[scyllacat]

Wow, I am such a yo-yo. But I am sure this is the right thing to do... I think. Anyway, for all of you who think I'm nuts, and those of you who don't, it's still all true. I still love him madly, I still can't see being a mistress, and the strain it is causing on both our lives is insane. How he could want it to continue for years is beyond me.

And I was so calm, too, at the time. I wasn't even angry, and I thought I would be. I just knew what my timetable was. I sat down and figured it out, how long I could deal with the idea of being "hidden" in someone's life. And Years, plural, was nowhere near possible.

But afterwards, I cried and cried, and wrote lots of hopeless tragic-sounding emails.

But today is a brand new day. I have come full circle. I am 31, not 13. I am chaste and alone and I love someone I cannot have. Beautiful.

This part, at least, I already know how to do.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Hate me, gentle reader. I am worthy.

I love her so much.

I would not shatter my 4 year old daughter's concept of home; not for the promise that the pieces can be put together in a way that provides her and my Beloved with all the love they need.

When is the right time? 5 years old? 10? Excuse me if I am new at this.

Or don't excuse me. Get the stones. I am the stereotypical cheating married man.

Except, I love Kat.

stan

misterstan@aol.com

[scyllacat.livejournal.com]

I love you. You are worthy, and you will be worthy. You are greater than you think.

"I have that faith ... and I can see the light."

[polychromatic22.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry I wasn't there for the talking and stuff, hon. I was wrecked tired. No sleep for days, too much partying. Same story for Asiam, but she had to work, and I knew would be stationary at 'Vox for at least a little while.
Oh! That reminds me. Do you remember months and months ago sitting outside at 'Vox, and an older guy and a younger guy sat and talked with us, and one of them was named Aaron (Double A-R-O-N he said it just like the aamco commercial and made it stick in my head forever)? He's working at 'Vox now and wants to know when the heck you're coming in to see him. He works the overnights often.

Anyway... Love you *hug*

[scyllacat.livejournal.com]

It's ok, girl. I know you are my friend. I know if I needed you and only you would do, you would walk through fire. And I have hope that someday, you will be meeting my Beloved... and he will be mine.

Go ahead, call me mad. I'm pretty sure I am.

Well...

[asbrand.livejournal.com]

If you need another shoulder to lean on (again), just look me up. I didn't mind talking to ya about it all at Winston's the other night.


-Az

[scyllacat.livejournal.com]

I barely remember what I said, but since I'm a horrible liar, I have a pretty good guess.

Well...

[asbrand.livejournal.com]

You were pretty wasted... :D

It was while you were continually checking your e-mail. About all this.

Hope it works out for ya!


-Az

Re: Well...

[scyllacat.livejournal.com]

Oh, great.

Ya know, Az, a girl isn't supposed to let a guy know she's waiting for the phone to ring... or for him to answer her email....

... but if that's as big an idiot as I made out of myself ... I'm actually improving! :)

Or maybe it's Bitmap's bartending. Better intoxication through technology.

Thank you for being kind.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry, hon... but I already told you that. Anyway, I think you did the right thing, he has to know he can't have his cake and eat it, too, and as long as you let him continue the way he was going, he wouldn't have made a choice.

For that matter, I can also understand why he decided not to end his marriage. When my semi-son was still here, I wouldn't have done anything that had a remote chance of hurting him... and he wasn't even my biological son.

In short, this is all one big fucked up situation.

-Thorne, deadjournal user: femnietzsche