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Wow, I am such a yo-yo. But I am sure this is the right thing to do... I think. Anyway, for all of you who think I'm nuts, and those of you who don't, it's still all true. I still love him madly, I still can't see being a mistress, and the strain it is causing on both our lives is insane. How he could want it to continue for years is beyond me.
And I was so calm, too, at the time. I wasn't even angry, and I thought I would be. I just knew what my timetable was. I sat down and figured it out, how long I could deal with the idea of being "hidden" in someone's life. And Years, plural, was nowhere near possible.
But afterwards, I cried and cried, and wrote lots of hopeless tragic-sounding emails.
But today is a brand new day. I have come full circle. I am 31, not 13. I am chaste and alone and I love someone I cannot have. Beautiful.
This part, at least, I already know how to do.
And I was so calm, too, at the time. I wasn't even angry, and I thought I would be. I just knew what my timetable was. I sat down and figured it out, how long I could deal with the idea of being "hidden" in someone's life. And Years, plural, was nowhere near possible.
But afterwards, I cried and cried, and wrote lots of hopeless tragic-sounding emails.
But today is a brand new day. I have come full circle. I am 31, not 13. I am chaste and alone and I love someone I cannot have. Beautiful.
This part, at least, I already know how to do.
(no subject)
For that matter, I can also understand why he decided not to end his marriage. When my semi-son was still here, I wouldn't have done anything that had a remote chance of hurting him... and he wasn't even my biological son.
In short, this is all one big fucked up situation.
-Thorne, deadjournal user: femnietzsche