Here's the letter

[scyllacat]

Ok, you all win. I don't think he INTENDED to be an asshole.

I just don't believe that he's not BEING an asshole. Because to tell a flaming pagan that this is how God intended, then that's "You're doing it Wrong," to my way of looking at it.

As it turns out, that IS the only thing he said about it.

I think I'll write him back, as soon as I can keep from snarking.

So here it is:

You're right, not much in common at all except for the adoption part.

I've always known I'm adopted... I've never known any different. I believe that's the best way to approach adopted kids on it. I've always been told how special that made me by my parents and especially by my grandparents. I've never thought of it any other way and have never felt any less of a person than anyone else, nor has anyone ever treated me less as a result.

To be honest, I'm not sure how much of a role the genetics plays, except for looks, medical history and maybe some mannerisms, such has how one smiles etc. I do thank my biological mother for giving me up and giving me the life I have. Obviously she felt she could not do the same.

Other than that, I really think environmental factors such as your parents, and life experiences make up the bulk of your personality. I really believe kids deserve 2 loving parents (mom and dad the way God intended) and I believe a healthy Christian marriage is the best way to raise kids.

I was lucky enough to have both, and think that WAY outweighed the biological factors in my life on how I turned out.

I hope that helps in your quest for adoption feedback!

Comments

[cryo.livejournal.com]

First, I wasn't going to reply, because I -am- an asshole.

Second, I generally ignore any message that has any form of God in it that doesn't suffix with Dammit, preferably with additional fun words.

Third, I know that the whole adopted thing very personally, though I myself wasn't technically adopted, but I have to do deal with 'biological' parentage issues and don't want that to sway my response.

So, with those things in mind, I would like to point out that

A) While I think his intent may have been in a positive manner, the obliviousness of science vs religion seems to have completely bypassed him. You are not allowed to use both, period.

B) You're upset over the as God intended, based on your personal views of 'religion', but completely missed the wonderful anti-gay remark prefixing it, even though his snark was a quantification of the statement in parenthesis. I find that a double religious fubar, and deserving of not only a kick in the face, but only after prying his head out of his ass with a crowbar.

C) It's a cop-out to claim that he or anyone could understand what situation and conditions being given up for adoption may have instilled. What happens if the child was removed because of social services coming up with some bogus reason to place the child elsewhere? There are too many variables in that statement that the mother could not have given him the 'same'.

D) nature vs. nurture, here we go again... you have the best genes in the world, and a shitty environment that causes you be a rapist and murder. You can have the worst genes and a great environment and end up being Stephen Hawking. Rinse, mix thoroughly, Repeat.

I'm glad he feels that adopted children need to be raised in an xtian marriage... but that doesn't explain the success (and failure) of single parenting... nor the success (and failure) of [xtian] marriages. Nor, does it take into account what the effect is on the [adopted] child[ren].

so... EPIC FAIL on his part, imho.

[scyllacat.livejournal.com]

So you're an asshole. So are many of my friends. It's the ones who don't KNOW they are that I want to kill. :)

Secondly, no, I don't think I missed any of it. It says on my profile (in case you missed it elsewhere) that I'm bi, Wiccan, and ok with being a single mom. I'm sure that he styled that whole bit there just to tell me HOW different he is from me.... the point is, none of it bothered me at all (just his opinion, right?) until he got to the part where God Likes Him Better because of it.

Thirdly, you were able to see and read it more in depth than I could. I've tried to stop myself from raging whenever possible, and sometimes, that means indulging in some avoidance. In short, I don't disagree one bit, I just had a hard time getting it out there.

(Fourthly)... well, except for the genetics thing. Because I was exploring this New Idea (shiny new toy!) that genetics are Bigger Than We Thought... it's like, they're the majority shareholder, see, and your Nurture may be the other one, but scientists are saying (according to this book my friend was reading) it's more like an overlay of family, place, friends, schooling, etc., all competing with each other, while genes just go merrily along, unconflicted, pulling the strings and flipping the switches. I thought that I would like hearing about the experience of someone who was adopted and had blood-related children. But there was nothing new to see here. So I move along.

I AM, however, going to have to read that book. I had no idea it was so controversial.