(no subject)

[scyllacat]

Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's Crafty

Another DUH moment.

Apparently, being single means not being invited to anything anyone else is doing. They're doing it with their pre-established group of friends, or their dates. They'll sometimes let me tag along if I ask in time.

Apparently, this is not much different than being part of a couple, which was why Stan in the first place. Why does Mark give Heather what I want, but never give it to me? Why does Tor always have time for his friends, but never asks to spend time with me? Why do I ask for time, and everyone says yeah, that would be great, but then when I say, ok, ready? they've forgotten something else.

Why is it that the only way I'll get what I want is by giving up what I can't stand to lose? It's a fucking waste of time, if you ask me. I must not really want it all that much, huh?

What would you do if you knew a guy who was great in bed, but otherwise basically ordinary? What would you do if you knew a guy who was great in bed but was never going to leave the house? What would you do if you knew a guy who was great fun to be around, except he was never going to be around?

I hate my life. Because my life has always been about the people in it, and the people in it right now aren't giving me what I want. And before you say anything about how I ought to do something for them.... oh, just fuck off first. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't such a damn doormat in the first place.

Comments

Re: I wouldn't be here if I wasn't such a damn doormat in the first place.

[amilori.livejournal.com]

You're exactly right, you know. Matthew & I would try to get together with friends & run into the same blow-off that you're getting. So, we got aggressive. We'd call someone we wanted to see & make solid plans. Time, place, length of visit, everything. We also learned, especially at furry coffee & the like, that trying to get a consensus didn't work well, but saying we're going *here*, join us if you want to do so, did work. Don't settle for being the "if we have time" friend. Ask for a solid commitment. If they won't give it to you, well, you've learned something about that friend, haven't you?

[adequatemagic.livejournal.com]

The biggest peril of being single is that you aren't part of an 'and' group anymore. Well, that's one. The other is finding those groups of people you *want* to hang around with and reestablishing yourself as an actual member of that group...

Deep breaths. Go slow. Look around, see what there is that you have done that you want to do again, and what you haven't done that you want to. Start looking around for those things.

The peril of basing your life around people primarily comes from what happens if those people aren't there...

Hang in there...

[paka.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the social part is sort of the worst thing about being single. It was part of why I stopped hanging out with the SCA back east. I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

[(Anonymous)]

Amilori has got it down exactly right...

If you make yourself the group, people will gather to that.

But what do I know? I never leave the house :P

Daedalus